More Than

I am at a point in life where everything will always lead me back to the time I was in Sorrento, Italy last fall. It was a point where I needed a break the most - to find myself again and to be with the people that I love most in the place where it all began. I'm telling you the craziest most amazing thing is coming back to places that I had been to when I was younger. It's amazing how much you can see how much you have changed, but also how much is the same. 

With all my studying, the biggest takeaway that I have from college so far is to take nothing for granted. This outlook has made me realize that everything, including myself, has value beyond the surface. Since this is my blog, about my life and a way for me to work through this crazy world here is some of what's been in my head ... maybe this can be a way for us both to see what we have in common because underneath it all we are humans :) .  

I am more than: 

where I am from

where I live

where I've been to

where I am going

what I study

what I wear

what music I listen to

what I choose to do with my free time

what my hair looks like

what I choose to eat

what size jeans I wear

how much money is in my bank account 

how tall I am

how many followers I have

who I am friends with

who I interact with (or not)

All of the things above are superficial. Yes, they are key characteristics of what makes me well me. But if you focus only on those things you could never know the real me. I am so much beyond the surface, and if we are being real here I am a tough person to get to know beyond the surface - which I think is a reason why to some I seem distant, standoffish or (yikesss) unapproachable. I think I put on this facade as a filter because underneath I have built someone I am very proud to spend the rest of my life with. Beyond the surface I have so much love I want to give, so much happiness, so much curiosity. I am sarcastic and witty as hell and I am also incredibly smart, brave, determined, powerful yet graceful, soft, and delicate. This and more makes up the real me: someone who I want the world to know but at the same time someone who is so precious that I would say only a few know her truly.

This is what actually my COM professor has helped me to realize: I am on a journey of finding a way to fuse all the parts of myself to create my authentic self - the real person that I want to show to the world. This concept is scary, but also liberating, but overall something that is a work in progress.

The most difficult part of this journey has been not acceptance, but vulnerability and confronting parts of myself and the world that I didn't want to before. To break down walls you have to realize that you won't be everyone's cup of tea - and that in itself is a realization that holds more power than you could imagine.

If you like me are trying to find who you are start and end and do all things under one condition: love.

ps - I am laughing out loud in the library now about how my body is literally 90% legs as you can see from these pics. Let me tell you it is a blessing and a curse - the pants are Extra Tall and they are still stupidly short lol

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